The Oscar nominations were announced this morning. Alas, your name was not among those listed for the category “Actor In a Leading Role”.

I’m sure you’re probably feeling okay — let’s face it, I think any nomination for Shame from the Academy was a long shot — but if you find you need to be consoled (read: make out a little bit), let me know.

Your friend,
Jasmine

Okay!

There is a lady on this bus who, when she opens her mouth ever so slightly, looks like a human Muppet. #eep #FB—
Jasmine D (@jasmined) January 11, 2012

I joined Leah, Dena, and Maria for dinner at Agami (cheap sushi! half-price martinis!) on Tuesday night. As you might be able to tell from the tweet above, I took the Broadway bus. The Broadway bus is probably my favorite long-running show in Chicago. The Muppet-ish girl wasn’t even especially weird or weird-looking, but when she’d open her mouth every so slightly and kind of smile, I would get so freaked out.

@carlyo Yes. Unless the Wendy's is still open after the movie…—
Jasmine D (@jasmined) January 11, 2012

I saw the Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol movie with Carly on Wednesday night. The movie was fun. Jeremy Renner and Tom Cruise wore ALL THE TIGHT PANTS and I am grateful. After the movie, we went to Wendy’s, which is kind of a thing we have. While we ate our burgers, we had a good talk about relationship stuff.

Carly and her friend Melinda have invited me to read something at a reading they have scheduled in a few weeks. I have to write about being single in Chicago. It took me until, like, last night, to figure out what to write about. I have some ideas and some jokes and maybe even some tears to share. Right now my working title is “Are you there, Katherine Heigl? It’s me, Jasmine” and I hope that’s funny enough that you might want to hear what I have to say.

This is something I saw on Tumblr and it’s fucking hilarious:

source: youreyesyourlies.tumblr.com

And finally: my friend Jacqui tweeted that she wants to write a book called “Cooking with Lard” with her friend Cesar. When a quick search of Amazon.com verified the existence of a book with that title, I offered some suggestions.

@ejacqui @urraca So call it something else like Lard Almighty. Praise The Lard. My Sweet Lard. A Lard Day's Night. Lard Times. Die Lard.—
Jasmine D (@jasmined) January 12, 2012

I think “Praise The Lard” is my favorite.

Okay, it's official. See you next month, London. #ticketsmoneypassport #FB—
Jasmine D (@jasmined) January 12, 2012

So London it is. I am very excited. I haven’t been to the UK since, um, 1993.

To prepare, I’ll be watching lots of movies like this little gem starring Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen called, um, Winning London.

Also, I am reading Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, re-watching episodes of “Absolutely Fabulous”, and listening to The Clash, The  Jam, and Pulp. Putting malt vinegar on my fries, and sticking extra U’s in words that don’t seem to need them.

adapt! adapt! adapt!

Dammit, I’m going somewhere. But where?

1. Finalists are (in order of preference): London, Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam
2. Trying to convince Patrick to come with me.
3. Or anyone, really, who is available between February 15 and February 21.
4. I am excited even though I’ve not yet bought tickets or lodging.
5. Khloé suggested Amsterdam, Brussels, and Montreal as more budget-friendly alternatives.
   1. But how am I gonna get my Sherlock/Harry Potter/AbFab on in Montreal?
   2. Also, I don’t speak much French.
   3. I speak no Dutch.
6. If Patrick doesn’t come with me, this will be the first time I’ve ever gone on a vacation by myself.
7. My plan is to eat interesting stuff and look at lots of art.
8. Also to drink the blood orange diet coke I had the last time I went to Europe.
9. “The last time I went to Europe” – well aren’t I precious?
10. Just call me Lady Jasmine.

On Saturday, I met Carly and Elisa at Uncle Mike’s Place for Filipino breakfast and some girl talk. Elisa got the tocino while Carly and I had longanisa. Filipino breakfast comes with eggs, champurrado, garlic fried rice, and kamatis (tomatoes). It looks like this:

Filipino breakfast @ Uncle Mike's Place

After Carly left for next adventure, Elisa and I hung out long enough that the owner gave us a couple of treats to snack on — bowls of white rice with pork sinigang, and then a cold ginataan with corn. Delicious.

Bixby lounges

On Sunday, Elisa invited me over to try her carne guisada. It was yummy. I did not take pictures. Boo! And then we watched Infernal Affairs, which was fantastic. And then we ate ice cream and watched Flower Boy Ramen Shop which may be my new favorite tv show based on the title alone. I’ve never really watched Korean soap operas before but Hulu appears to have tons of them and as I’m all caught up on Downton Abbey, Absolutely Fabulous, and Sherlock, I need some new shit to watch.

@chicagobncountr Please tell me more about the micoderm.—
Jasmine D (@jasmined) January 06, 2012

1. I am interested in microdermabrasion (see Twitter exchange above).

2. I want to tell younger people how adorable they are. Today I ate my lunch at a “quick service” Italian place. You order at a counter and your food is brought to you at your table. My pasta was served by a lovely young woman who wore strawberry earrings and her curls piled up on her head. I wanted to pinch this girl’s cheeks, she was so cute. She was probably no older than 19, which is almost HALF MY AGE.

I guess you could say I enjoyed it.

So what did I like? Um, everything. The plotting, the secrecy, the sadness. It was gorgeous, too, a beautiful film.

The sight of Kathy Burke as Connie Sachs just made me sigh, like I recognized myself in her too much — lumpy, misshapen, “seriously underfucked” (just kidding). There isn’t a lot of excitement in the way of explosions or action. People hardly shout. Which makes the violence pop even more, I think. And the reveal seems inevitable, maybe even predictable for some, but to me it was still devastating.

(Okay, maybe I get a little involved in movies. #foreveralone)

I’m reading the book now, and I am enjoying it as well. There are a number of differences between the book and the movie. I look forward to watching the BBC mini-series when I finish the book…

…and maybe after seeing the big screen version for a third time.

And now some eye candy!

PS: There was a lot of smoking in this movie. Pipes and cigarettes. Am I glad I don’t smoke anymore? Sure. Did I want a cigarette badly after seeing this movie? Of course.

PPS: Reminded me of Maurice — lots of British men, secrecy, REPRESSION, (c)overt homosexuality.

Matt is one of my favorite people that I hardly ever get to see. I suspect that Jacinda and I are two of his. We spent some time talking about how we wish he could visit Chicago more often when suddenly it occurred to me that really, what Jacinda and I and the rest of Matt’s far-away pals should do is make a pilgrimage to Matt on his mountain for… wait for it… BURNING MATT!

Instead of folks pedaling around a desert for a week bartering beer for batteries, imagine a horde of bourbon-swilling proto-hipsters trying and failing to set up tents near Matt’s house (or apartment, I’m not sure what kind of residence he currently occupies) before giving up and making reservations at the nearest B&B. It could be like The Big Chill only instead of coming together for a friend’s untimely demise it will be to celebrate Matt’s birthday, or maybe a made-up holiday. Who cares? IT’S BURNING MATT!

My other conclusion/idea/whatever is that I need to telephone my dear alma mater and look into setting up a scholarship fund. There would appear to be a dearth in, um, personal beauty in the student population of late. Jacinda and I noticed that the students at Jimmy’s were not as hot as we had been led to believe. What of all the rumors we’d heard from friends and other alumni that campus was overrun by people who could be mistaken for normal non-nerdlinger types that might otherwise be found at a place like Northwestern or DePaul?

A few years ago, an anonymous donor gave $100,000,000 to The College to offset the amount of loans student might otherwise have to take out to pay for their educations. These are known as Odyssey Scholarships. They are awesome.

I’d like to seed Hottie-ssey Scholarships, where students can draw funds that would permit them to, I don’t know, buy conditioner so their hair doesn’t look like hay in the dry winter air. Pay for a session with a stylist, or a new party outfit. That would be fucking incredible.

I expect to hear from the fundraising folks at the U of C shortly.

I ate two cheeseburgers. They were delicious. I REGRET NOTHING.

Jacinda and I tried not to scare Matt’s girlfriend with old stories about college exploits. She did not seem overly traumatized so that’s a win, right?

The cost of a round of drinks at Jimmy’s is still pretty damn cheap. And their cheeseburgers are greasy and tasty and perfect.

Jimmy’s is pretty much my favorite place in Hyde Park. Well, my favorite place that isn’t the Medici, the Seminary Co-op, or the spot in front of my favorite building on the U of C campus* where I used to smoke all the time.

* Update! I had Cobb Hall in mind when I wrote this last night, but there were many other buildings in which I smoked with pleasure and even aplomb! I’ll talk about it in a future post when I’m feeling even more nostalgic than usual.

1/3/2012: tv night

Last week I was off work as the office closed for the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day. When I wasn’t eating or watching movies, I took care of a couple of errands. Like a grown-up, thank you very much.

The first errand was my monthly orthodontist appointment on Wednesday, where the hygienist become fixated on the oiliness shininess of my hair. First she, then one of the receptionists, stroked and patted my head while Dr. P looked at my teeth.

The second errand was my annual check-up at the eye doctor on Thursday. After Dr. M talked to me about dating and getting a move-on with regards to finding a husband and having babies because that’s the kind of talk we have, I rewarded myself with lunch at Longman & Eagle, then a quick visit to the Art Institute. My museum trip wasn’t to see art so much as just sit in the members lounge, drink tea, and read my book. A man with shaggy salt and pepper hair, bearing a fancy camera, approached. He asked if he might take my picture as:

1. the setting sun made for lovely light
2. I was reading a book (which he liked especially in a room full of tourists tapping away at smartphones)

So I said yes, even though my hair was pulled back and maybe my lipstick needed a touch-up. He promised to e-mail me the pictures (yes, there was more than one!) when he returned home.

If this is how models are made, then it must be a lovely life indeed.